After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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