If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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