Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize