I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize