We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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