You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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