i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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