Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize