What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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