im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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