Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize