oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize