how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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