I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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