Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize