I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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