Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I did not marry a roomba.
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