i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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