just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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