The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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