Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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