ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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