would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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