This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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Just invented taco cereal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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