I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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