Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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