Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
two words...techno handjob
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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