Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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