She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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