I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You pole danced in your parka.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Randomize
