You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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