I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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