I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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