I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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