So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize