My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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