Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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