you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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