This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize