How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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