Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize