if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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