you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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