she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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