please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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