He had one of those small greek statue penises
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize