PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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