dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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