No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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