the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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