okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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